Winning and Losing

This is going to be a quick post. I keep forgetting to post until I'm lying in bed or I'm super busy! Hopefully I'll be able to elaborate tomorrow if necessary.

Right now, I am both winning and losing in multiple aspects of my life. In CPD, I got a perfect score on my quiz and on my last project. I have no fear of failing that class, and that makes me happy. Then there's English; oh, English, and the dreaded essay. I got full points on my outline, which I stressed so much over, trying to make sure it wold be perfect. Our first three pages are due on Monday, and I decided yesterday to get a head start. If I did one page a day, I'd finish on Friday and get to relax for the weekend. Well, that's what I'm doing, and I'm making sweet, sweet progress! I'm very close to 700 words and have two full pages now (WITHOUT the header or name/date/class info)! The intro paragraph was both the hardest and the easiest. I did only that yesterday. Today, I did the paragraph on my opponent's arguments, and a paragraph on the gun show loophole (with some Virginia Tech thrown in). Even though I'm iffy about my essay, my friends who I've shown it to so far think it's pretty good, so I'm happy.

Also, guess what? Tomorrow is the LAST DAY of NaNoWriMo! And... there has not been one single day this month that  I have NOT met the par/minimum word count! I wanted to write some more tonight (as in extra), but I needed to work on my essay (and I'm glad I'm working ahead and staying focused!). Tomorrow, I will hit 50,000 words and WIN NaNoWriMo 2012, my very FIRST one I participated in! It will take another day or two to actually finish the novel (I have one more chapter and an epilogue I have planned to include), but I'll still have one, and I'll have a full length novel. Unedited, but still!

Where am I losing in my life now, you ask? Math. We're learning logs right now. I don't want to talk about it much, partly because I'm rushing through this post since it's already late, and partly because I just hate it and don't want to think about it. However, during my long break tomorrow before class, I'm going to look up some stuff on logarithms and hopefully figure out what the hell I'm doing. We have in in-class quiz Monday--it will be our last quiz, and the only thing we have after that is the final.

After tomorrow, I only have one week left of school! And then finals week. I still don't know how finals week work. I will ask my CPD teacher tomorrow.

Loss of Will

I really, really, really don't want to start my outline for my final essay in English. It's due Monday, which means I have tomorrow and Sunday. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, ate food, etc. Tuesday is my fifth psychology exam. There's a lot of school crap coming up. Only two weeks left, and then finals week.

And I'm supposed to write my final essay. Or at least, the outline, this weekend. I haven't even touched anything essay-related since writing the prospectus and annotated bibliography. I know I can do this. It might be kind of stressful (a LOT stressful), and I'll hate every minute of it, but of course I'll get it done. I'll always get everything done that I need to do, and on time.

Watched an episode of Sherlock with Kate and dad tonight. Now we only have the season 2 finale to watch before we have to wait for season 3 to come out... to start filming, even... but it starts filming in a month or so. 

The main thing I'm worried about right now is just that ESSAY. Just the thought of it has made me lose the will to post. Seriously.

Oh, and words: 38,333.

Disrespected

I take a 35-40 minute bike ride every day now. This tradition started last week. From 4 to around 4:40, I ride around, going wherever I want, and de-stressing myself. Occasionally, I pass by other people. They usually mind their own business, but I'm sure what happened today won't be the last time it will happen, but it certainly was the first.

Two girls, who I guess to be freshman at Centennial were in front of their house in my street, which is just a few houses down opposite from mine. One of them was a friend, and the other was with her little brother, who was messing with his bike in the middle of the street. I was on my way home when suddenly the sister called, "Excuse me?" I stopped and she asked if I went to Centennial. I said I graduate last May. Then they asked if I went to college. I said yes, I went to GCC now. I didn't recognize them, but I guess they knew me.

What bothered me was how they made me feel.

After everything I said, they giggled to each other and said something under their breath that I couldn't hear. Even before the conversation started, I was just passing by when I heard one of them call to the little brother, "Hey, it's your girlfriend!" They used me as a means of teasing him. 

It was something about them and their bossy attitudes. They sounded extremely condescending when they spoke to me. I should feel disrespected. But I don't. I'm mad at myself, because instead of feeling how anyone else would, I let them make me feel stupid and ignorant. They made me want to crawl into a hole and hide.

They made me feel like I was in elementary school again, where no one bullied me to my face but they made fun of me behind my back, which I think is worst of all.

They talked just like everyone from Harbor did. That's what I recognize it as. They talk in that same mocking way. I didn't feel like a legal adult, just minding their own business and exercising. I felt like a 5th grader being talked down to by classmates. That's exactly what they were doing. 

I thought I had escaped this kind of treatment after I went to high school. People were a little more mature when we transferred schools, and there were a bunch of new people from other schools who I became friends with. People who weren't aware of the 8-year-long shunning everyone from Desert Harbor gave me. Things got better.

And now I feel like this again, when all I was doing was trying to relax and relieve myself of some anxiety. 

Do I deserve this? I don't think so. I don't see why this would be my fault. Am I paranoid? I don't know... the last thing on my mind before they started talking to me was how I was an outcast in early grade-school years. It's just the way they acted... I bet, if they were in my grade back when I was in Harbor, they would have been part of that large, large crowd of "popular" or "normal" kids who never associated with me, talked down to me, and made fun of me when they thought I wouldn't notice, because I'm too stupid to notice.

I hate how I feel right now. I just wanted to have a good day.

Three Weeks Left

A bunch of crap happened at school. Psychology got randomly cancelled on Thursday, so now the test is postponed to the first class after Thanksgiving break. There was this whole paper due in CPD that she never told us about but I scrambled to get done anyways, and then I turned it in and she told the rest of the class she would extend it... Whatever, it just means I don't have to do it this weekend. I'm supposed to gather lots of research for my essay, because on Monday we start our outlines... I haven't even googled the topic once since I finished my prospectus and annotated bibliography. I don't care. Also, I have no idea what the hell is going on in math right now, but the quiz is a take home quiz, so there's hope.

I finished Nanoha StrikerS! I'm sad there won't be any new Nanoha now. Last night I watched the first movie, which is just a recap of the first season... It wasn't very good, but it was fine. I have high hopes for the other movie, since it's a recap of the second season, which was my favorite! Tomorrow, I'm going to start another anime. Not sure which one... Not Sailor Moon yet (too long for me at the moment), and I would do Cardcaptor Sakura but that's also super long... So either Mermaid Melody or Powerpuff Girls Z. 

I'm about 2/3 done with The Silent Blade, now that I've picked it up again. I

m so happy I force time into my day for it. It's still not my favorite, but it is really good! And my daily bike rides have been nice. I use them to de-stress.

Just three weeks left of school... Oh, and I'm at 26,666 words or something like that.

Long Weekend

My memories of this weekend are already fading. I didn't have school today because of veteran's day. It's my first long weekend I've had in a long time... since the beginning of September. Yesterday dad fixed my bike and I went on a 40 minute bike ride around my neighborhood, down streets I didn't even know existed because they don't connect to 75th or 79th. Also, I finally picked up my books again. I haven't had time in a long time to read. But I figured, if I can force enough time in my day to watch one episode of anime (25 minutes), then I can make time once a day to read a chapter of whatever book I'm reading, too. It feels nice to sit outside and relax and read again. Three episodes left of Nanoha StrikerS, and then I move on to a completely new show.

I went to mom's house last night and drove over a stupid tiny stick. It made my tire go flat. I was okay, because I was already at my destination and my mom's house was probably the best location for anything like that to happen, but still. Pissed me off. A tiny stick took out my rolling turd. How unfair.

I don't want to go back to school tomorrow. I really, really don't. At least it's psychology/math Tuesday and not one of my days with English. I dread every moment spent in that class because I don't want to write this final 2,000 word paper. My senior paper (the one on dragons) was about 2,500 words. At least that was a fun subject. I really just don't want to write this paper... at least the class is taking baby steps. The final draft isn't due until the very last day of class, but our rough drafts are due sooner than that. Ugh. I also need to read a chapter of psychology today and do the homework that's due tomorrow. 

I don't want to do anything. I want to stay home and not go to school anymore. One more month, and then I'm free for a couple weeks... I just need to keep telling myself that. But then the spring semester will start, and I'll have to go back...

Just Another Month...

Oh, Perfume. Your reactions are so adorable. Moving on to the actual post...

Mom got me ponies!! And that makes me crave even more ponies. She got me a surprise pack and a transparent dark blue Rainbow Dash keychain pony. The surprise one ended up being a transparent pink Pinkie Pie with sparkles! They now reside next to my Fluttershy. I want stuffed ponies. They can sit with my unicorns on my bed.

I really need to stop getting so anxious over every single school assignment I get! Really! I'm so tired of it! But if I don't freak out over it, I'll slack off. I just know it. I got full points on my annotated bibliography and prospectus for English. On Friday Spivey will tell us the next step we're going to take to write this essay. Probably an outline. We didn't write outlines for the other papers; we went directly into writing out first drafts. With an essay this long requiring this much secondary research, I'm glad we'll actually use one. I got a 102.5% on my last psychology exam (missed one point on the multiple choice section but got all the extra credit right). I have some assignments to do for CPD. I have an 89% in math. I'm tired of school.

10,000 words written for NaNo; I haven't written today yet. After today, I will have 11,666+ words. I'm just kind of waiting desperately for the weekend to happen. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I usually sleep in, but I want to get up the same time I  usually do tomorrow and spend my morning free time relaxing. Sure, sleeping is very relaxing, but I'm talking fun relaxing. Well, sleeping in is fun. But I mean... you get the point.

At least I get Monday off. My first day off since the beginning of September! Sweet Jesus I need this. 

Where Is My Break?

It's November, and it's still kind of warm outside in the middle of the day. Not that I'm really complaining--it's pretty cool in the morning and at night, and I really hate extreme cold. According to my Personal Calendar of How the Seasons Work, it's not going to be winter until December 1st. I think the weather would be perfect if it just stayed at a nice, even 80 forever.

Lost my phone this week. Found it ten minutes later. I went to the library and checked out five books for English. Returned three of them yesterday. I finished my annotated bibliography and I need to write my prospectus before Monday. Aiming for today, but tomorrow's fine too. It just needs to get done. I'm really dreading English right now. I hate research paper like these. It has to be 2,000 words! That's 7-8 pages! On a topic I don't even care about... Not to mention I'm going to mess up somehow, and my paper won't even be good. I hope he approved my topic. It's so stupid that we have to find 10 sources for our topic before he even approves it! I am so ready for a break. Not this weekend, but next weekend, I will have Monday off for Veteran's Day. That'll be nice... and I think the week after that week is Thanksgiving break. I think we get Thursday and Friday off. Good.

I have a math test on Monday. I'm kind of worried because I kind of suck at what we're doing right now. I got the last quiz back. 35/40. My grade in the class is still an 88%. 

Today is turning out to be one of those days where I just want to be alone (not that those are rare days. But today I REALLY want to be alone). I might just disappear off the face of the earth for a bit.

I started NaNoWriMo. Today is day 3. I'll have at least 5,000 words by today's end. I have about 3,600 right now.