The Absolute Value of 5s-z

For once, I was actually dying of boredom this morning... and I even slept in until almost 8, which doesn't usually happen on my Tuesdays/Thursdays, even though I have all that spare morning time. This surprises me. And also, I don't know why, but even though I have less classes on these days, it feels like I'm at school longer!

Like last week, this week (for some random reasons unknown to me) has been going by extremely fast... not that I'm complaining. Thank God tomorrow's Friday! Then I get 2 days of relaxation! Oh wait, no I don't... I have to write an essay. And do my math quiz, which is worth more points than the others and is going to count towards super major points.

Well, I like psychology. I got a 100% on our last exam. Okay, okay, I would have missed 2 points, but I got all the bonus questions right, so 100%, damnit. We're doing a unit on consciousness, sleep, and dreams now. I remember doing this unit in high school psychology and I loved it! Super fun. There are some things I remember from that class that we're learning, so I feel extra prepared. 

It's becoming a common Tuesday-Thursday thing for me to spot my math professor in the student union buying his lunch 45-ish minutes before class. We're doing radical expressions in math now. Yes, that's right; rational expressions are over, and we've graduated onto the next, equally-stupid thing. At least I kind of understand it. In fact, I answered a question in class today. Well... sort of. Dr. K was doing problems and I was following along. I was pretty sure I had the answer right, but when he asked for someone to say the answer, I naturally didn't raise my hand because I didn't want to be in the spotlight. I made the mistake of making eye contact with him, and he knew I had written an answer down on my paper, so he looked at me and said, "Do you know what it is?" And I was like, "The absolute value of 5s-z" or whatever it was. And it was correct. Which is great for my teacher's pet points, but sucks at the same time. The class gave that reaction. You know, the one where they all give that incredulous laugh like, "oh my god you actually knew that? wow you must be so damn special." One of those kinds of laughs. All at once. It made me feel embarrassed and made me regret answering, even though it was the right answer. This is why I hate people.

This weekend I need to start my psychology homework, write my essay, and do as much as I can of that math quiz. I can't wait for the weekend... I can't wait for winter break. No, summer. No, for school to be over!

The 98 Percent

Everyone needs to be aware that this is the best picture on the internet. Just look at it. Oh my god.

Well, today actually turned out to be a pretty good Monday... that being said, Monday sucks and needs to go die, and I'm going to cry in the fetal position until Friday comes around. (Or maybe not.) I'm feeling pretty good about English. Towards the end of class today, Mr. Spivey handed back our essays. As they were being passed out, I looked over everyone's shoulders. Every paper was covered in ink, with things crossed out, misspellings circled... markings everywhere. So, I was feeling pretty nervous. Then, Mr. Spivey dropped my essay in front of me and moved on. There was nothing on the frist page--not a single mark. I cautiously flipped through it; only a few minor errors were circled--I forgot to change a few numbers from digits to written words. On the last page, he wrote my grade (a 98%) and a comment. "Very good use of research and clean writing. Excellent essay--keep up the great work!" I was relaxed then, and actually closed my eyes and let out a sigh of relief. Of course, I had to sit there for the last 10 minutes of class and listen to him lecture everyone on how horrible our essays were... though, it was nice to know that he wasn't talking about me!

I was feeling pretty good after English. I want to get a bulletin board (I've been wanting one for a while anyways), and I'm going to pin that essay to it for inspiration. He gave us an assignment today, due by midnight, that I finished about an hour ago--not too hard. Just the summarize a short article. Our next essay is to refute someone else's essay, and in our essay we're going to have to summarize their paper. Then I went to CPD. I don't even know with that class. But I know that I am getting 3 credits for it so nothing else matters. How many times have I said that on this blog?

I went to mom's house and took the best picture of my cat ever. I always walk up to the window of their room and mess with them before I go in the house. Kimyo was looking rather photogenic, so I took out my phone and snapped a picture. It was cloudy and I keep flash off, so the picture ended up... well... I don't know how to describe it. I have to show it.

Oh my god, my cat is the new Mufasa. The cat in the clouds. This was the best thing ever today.

In math, we had a surprise quiz. I think I did okay... I maybe got a C. Hopefully. We also got the last take-home quiz back. I got a 33/40, but that's probably only because I made John help me. Without him, I wouldn't have been able to do half of the questions. But I understand solving rational expressions more than just simplifying them, so maybe I did okay. We'll see. The one thing I like about this class is that, on every assignment we get back, not only does he write the score, but he writes our current grade in the class. That class is the only one where I can't see my grades online, and it's nice to see how I'm doing. I have an 84% in there right now... maybe I can manage to pass? If I do, dad's buying my Assassin's Creed 3. I still have my 25 dollar gift card. I've been saving it for this. So dad wouldn't have to pay a whole 60. But, damnit, math is too hard. I can't be good at English and math. Oh well.

One of Those Days

A wonderful picture of Velyos I drew on Monday. Yeah, you won't get it.

We learned out next essay topic in English today. We'll be refuting someone else's essay. Seems easy enough--it's secondary instead of primary, so no research efforts needed. And I'm good at arguing, so this essay won't be as annoying... I'm still going to painstakingly make it perfect and stress out about it, though.

Not much else. We've been watching some movie, Stand and Deliver, in CPD... and I'm understanding what we're doing in math right now. The other day my math teacher saw me in the student union and waved hello to me. Don't ask why, but this now makes me feel obligated to pass math. So thank god I get what we're doing right now.

Today is one of those days where... I don't know. I don't like today right now. I'm in one of those moods where I'm depressed that everyone's gone. I watch TV, I look at people at school, and I realize... I'm all alone here. I have people I talk to at school, but I never talk to anyone outside of class or, for a certain few, facebook... I haven't done anything with friends because, well, I don't really have any close friends besides a few down here with me. Of course, they're going to be at school or work, and we never have time off together because of homework on top of that. It just makes me feel so alone. Everyone's enjoying college life and having a good time. Everyone but me. And every time I mention how much I hate college, I feel like I'm being a party pooper and ruining everyone's good fun. But honestly, I'm jealous that they're having a great time despite the work. I'm jealous of other people for being able to socialize and make friends and actually enjoy it. No matter how much ranting and complaining I do, I am most certainly not about to go somewhere and meet people. Partly because I'm a xenophobe, and partly because I don't want to replace my friends. I'm living in the past and wishing that all of us cold be together again, at Centennial. I don't like college, and I don't like where my life is going, and the future is so unclear. I hate it. It's so foggy and I don't know what's going to happen and I can't stand it. I do not like being spontaneous. I need a plan. And I don't have one. It's killing me.

I guess I'm just having a tough time. I don't know who I am right now because I don't know what my goal is. Just to graduate, I guess... But I don't know what I want to do. I have no idea how to live after that. My friends are going to branch out and move all over the country (most likely), and then we'll be torn even farther apart... I feel so selfish when I talk about it, but I just miss everyone and I don't want them to forget about me. It's happened before. The transition from Desert Harbor to Centennial was especially rough, and this one's been even worse. And after college? Damn...

They say that "you just lose touch after high school," and that "the friends you make in college will be your friends for life." Unfortunately, I do not have many friends (none at GCC, although I am friendly with a few people), and do not want any there. I don't like talking to people I don't know at all, so it's impossible for me. I just wish everything can go back to normal.

What makes me most upset is that people just don't get it. They either think this is just a phase or tell me to grow up. I am not going to grow up. I am going to stay exactly how the hell I am now. I wish everyone else would, too, but I know they won't, and I don't expect them to. I don't want to hold anyone back... but at the same time, I am not willing to step forward and move on. I don't like change, and I don't want it to happen. Again, I hate it when people tell me, "Well, it's going to happen whether you like it or not, so might as well accept it" or "Just deal with it." No. I will not. I will fight it and even though I'm going to lose, I will kick and scream and reject it until it overwhelms me and everything I've ever bottled up pours out. That's just the way I am.

I don't want to change, and I don't want my world to change. In high school, especially junior and senior years... I'd finally come to accept and really enjoy the majority of my life. I loved my friends, I loved school itself, and I was happy. I wasn't an adult and I didn't have any major responsibilities. And I could see my friends every day. My friends are literally my family. My family was torn apart, and it hurts. I never tell them, though. I don't want them to feel guilty for leaving. That's just absurd. It's not their fault. It's mine, for being so whiny. But...

I don't know.

Game Time!

For the first time ever, and probably the last time, I ended up not having any homework today (that's due tomorrow, anyway)! I did my psychology project at mom's house on my break, and I was going to do my homework for it when I got home, but I got an email from Dr. Schimanski. our homework is postponed to Thursday.

Now that my essay's done, my sticky note of homework is shorter than it's ever been before! I didn't present my visual in English today. We ran out of time. I'll be going on Wednesday for sure, though. It just means I have more time to practice. In CPD, we got in groups and did stuff. It doesn't even matter. That class... I'm getting 3 credits for it. That is all.

I understood most of what we did in math today. Now we're solving rational expressions, not just factoring and crap. It makes much more sense to me now. God, I hate math. It's so dumb that I need to learn more of it than I'll ever need to use in my life.

After I eat, practice my presentation a few times, and maybe start that math quiz, I'm going to spend the lovely remainder of my only truly free day in a long time playing video games. Namely, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. My favorite video game of all time. I am a PC gamer. I don't really like consoles, and don't own many, either. I don't have a PS3 or Xbox 360 or whatever. My favorite "console" is my GameCube, and even that loses to my PC. Best graphics, blah blah. All that rant. Anyways, Oblivion was the first game in the Elder Scrolls series. I remember my grandpa first showing it to me when I was 12... it scared me because it was hard and seemed complicated! But a few years later, he bought me a copy and I played it... since I was older, I was less scared of dying in video games. I totally fell in love with that game. Since the discovery, I've played Morrowind (but have never beaten it) and attempted Arena (I never get far since I die a lot. Those 90s games, man!) And, yes, I do have Skyrim. And Skyrim's a good game. But Oblivion will forever have a special place in my heart. Even if I may leave it at times to play Skyrim, I love to come back to Oblivion and play again. I have so many characters. I've played the game so many times. It never gets old!

Okay, I'll stop talking about video games. I know you don't care if you don't play it! But seriously... the graphics may not be the best now, but they were amazing for its age, and they're not so horrid that you can't play it. So check it out.

Essay, Exam, Equations

Prettiest picture I've ever seen. Whoever edited it it brilliant. I wish I could find a bigger one. Hey, someone, find me that picture but bigger and better quality. I will love you forever.

I get to start my English essay soon. There also has to be a visual for it. Ugh. I don't want to put forth all this effort. Tomorrow I have an exam in psychology. Hopefully I can retain all the knowledge I need... and, of course, math sucks. We're doing factoring now. I cannot for the life of me understand factoring. Never have, never will. It's stupid and I refuse to learn it.

CPD is my only non-stressful-in-any-way class. Example? Today we made little houses and stuff out of straws and marshmallows to learn about "making wise choices." I'm getting 3 credits for this. Which is good, because at this point, it might be the only class I pass.

Dad is making me take this disgusting gross vitamin that's icky and I don't like it. It's vitamin b12 and is supposed to be fruity flavored but it's just nasty, and I can't drink anything for 5 minutes after taking it.

I really really want to say more but my brain is just shut off right now. I'm so tired and it's not even 10 yet. I think I'm just going to go to bed. Tomorrow morning I'm going to finish the last little bit of my psychology study guide and  cram before the exam. And then I'm going to try and learn stupid math.

But before I go, I'm going to say that, over many months and 3 different tests, I am an ISFJ.

Project Productivity

Complete with a picture of a fabulous nerd for you.

This morning I went to the orthodontist. They took some new, updated pictures, checked to make sure I was wearing them and that all was going well, and then told me that I don't need to come back for another 6 months. I wanted toe make the next appointment while I was still there, so I went ahead and made it as early as possible (7:30) since I don't know what my schedule will look like next semester.

Then I came home. I didn't have anything due today and all the stuff due tomorrow is already done, but I still wanted to work on some homework.  So I started reading psychology chapter 3 and the homework for that chapter is actually pretty short. I'm 40% done with it already, so says the website. Next class will be our first exam. 3/4 multiple choice and 1/4 written... nervous, but if I do the study guides for chapters 1 and 2 this weekend, I should be good. I hope.

Overall, a productive morning. I have stuff to do this afternoon. And tonight is the new Project Runway episode! Yay! Also, today I'm getting my orange chicken fix. Probably going to do that soon because I'm hungry and the angry soccer moms and the elementary school traffic should be cleared out by now...

Batch of Surveys

I honestly don't care if the picture once again doesn't have to do with anything I'm about to talk about. I just needed an excuse to use it. Despicable Me is one of the cutest movies ever. If I knew where the DVD was, I'd totally steal it from mom and make it mine forever.

Yesterday I printed out 111 copies of my survey for my research project in English. It had to be media related, so my topic is why people like (and dislike) shows such as "Teen Mom" and "16 & Pregnant." I'm focusing on specifically teenagers in the 13-18 age demographic. So I made Kate take one, then sent her with 50 surveys to school today. She got almost all of them done and will finish the batch tomorrow, but I looked through today's results. I organized them first by age, and sub-organized them by like and then dislike (as in the show). So far, generally both the likers and the dislikers think the show depicts how horrid the life of a teenage mother is. Some of the likers see those girls as role models. The dislikers all think that the show is stupid and pointless. What shocked me is that the dislikers almost all used words like "slut," "whore," and "bitch" to describe the girls on those shows. Outright called them that. Of course, that's a good thing, because it's an anonymous survey and I told them to be as honest as possible. The likers are split on how they view the girls. Some of the likers think the girls are irresponsible and stupid as well, while the other half of the likers actually think that they are great role models, hardworking, and cool. I'm excited to get the remaining surveys all done so I can start getting percentages and organizing the data so I can incorporate it into my essay. (Thanks so much, my helpers who gave/are giving these out for me at Centennial!)

In school today, I was very happy with the last 10 minutes of English class. Mr. Spivey, fed up with my classmates' illiteracy, decided to scold us/them. Over the weekend, we (actually only 2/3 of the class) emailed him our essay prompts so he could approve or deny them. I noticed early on that most of the class is very illiterate, and now Mr/ Spivey finally said something about it! He copied some terrible sentences sent to him via email and put them on the board, exactly as they were. He did not edit them and, of course, kept them anonymous. People were not capitalizing "I", were not ending their sentences with punctuation, and were messing up homophones. Nothing I said was up there, but I feel bad for the poor souls who saw their words on the computer screen today. Then again, it's their own fault for not looking over their work before sending it to our English teacher.

The week is already halfway over! Yay! I'm looking forward to the weekend simply because there is no school. I never do anything on the weekend, but I like them anyways. They're there so that I can do nothing for a change. Looking at the calendar, it looks like I have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow morning at 8:30. Two hours before I have to leave for class, which technically doesn't even start until 11:30 anyways. Good. Early, but not too early, and I will still have random free time in the morning before I leave for school. I guess I'll leave for the appointment at 8. Also, the new episode of Project Runway is tomorrow. Exciting!

Class Cancelled

Math today was cancelled. I was sitting in class with a large handful of other students. The teacher is usually late, so none of us suspected anything weird. But five minutes after the class' start time, a lady walked in and told us all we could go home! Apparently, we're going to have a substitute instructor tomorrow. She told us to finish 7.3 (which I did 2 weeks ago over the weekend like he told us to) so I had nothing to do. Technically, I only had one class today, then! 

I signed up for priority registration for classes next semester. That means that I get to sign up for classes early. Today was the deadline for that, so thank God I remembered to do it. Everyone who didn't sign up will have to wait, and for those of us that did, we get first pick! I'm not honors so I'm not super early, but I'm early. I get to sign up October 15th. The spring 2013 class schedule isn't out yet anyways. I'm thinking next semester I'll take the next math, a science (since I need so many of those), and maybe that required cultural diversity class or something. And then just some random fun class, maybe. I'll be done with English after this semester (assuming I pass).

Yesterday was hectic. I went to mom's and it was fun, until I saw that I apparently got a 65% on my psychology project, which I don't understand. She'll pass them back on Thursday, though, and she said she'd go over it with me then. Still, it upset me a lot. Mom would know. She had to come talk to me. I had to wait a while before driving home because I was so distraught.

A lot of my worries lately have been centered not only around school but my future. I don't have any idea what career I want (not even the pathway), and I don't know how to be an "adult" really. Like paying bills and things. I don't know how I'll ever be able to keep up with that. Everyone says it's trial and error but I don't do that. I get it right straight away so I don't have to deal with the consequences.

My essay idea for my research essay in English was approved over the weekend, so I made the survey for it and dad printed out 100 copies for me. I'll give some to Kate and anyone else willing to help so I can get as many people to take it at Centennial as I can. My target audience is 14-18, so anyone in a high school minus the teachers will suffice. 

I'm so bored right now. I want to play the original Sims game for a while. I've been watching a Let's Play of it on youtube and even though it's nowhere near as awesome as the newer ones, I still want to play it. Unfortunately, I have the case and I have disc 2 of my base game (which is deluxe edition), but I can't find disc 1, so I guess I can't play it. I'm super bored right now. I don't want to play any of the games I have, and I don't want to read. I just have the TV on as background noise right now. I want to do something but I just don't feel like doing anything. I have no homework to work on. Well, there's psychology review for the exam, but I have a week for that, and I can't work on my research paper until all my surveys are taken. I guess I'll just sit around and do nothing until it's socially acceptable to go to sleep.

Stay-Home Vacation

That picture actually makes a fantastic wallpaper. I recommend it.

Getting to the point, I'm very grateful that I have a three day weekend. Labor Day is my last holiday I have off school until November. Of course, I am a college student and could technically miss class whenever I want... except I refuse to do that. Firstly, I have never in my life ditched a class before, and would not like to break that record. Not to mention it's very irresponsible, and attendance actually does make up a chunk of my grades in all of my classes anyways. My professors aren't going to catch me up on what I missed if I skip a day, even if I go and ask them, since it's my responsibility to know. we might get homework or projects, or in-class only assignments, anyways.

Dad and Kate are in Prescott right now for the weekend. I chose to stay home.  I have some homework to do this weekend, including reading chapter 2 of my psychology textbook and doing the homework, on top of my math take-home quiz and starting my English research paper (once Mr. Spivey emails me back and confirms my topic). I also have some CPD assignment that's due next Friday. I love CPD. It's so BS-able and actually entertaining. And like I always say, I'm getting three credits for that. It's some two paragraph thing asking me to tell a story in which I overcame a difficult obstacle in my life. Really, seriously easy. I could even make one up and no one would know. Of course, I'm going to try and come up with a real one, but I can't think of anything. And all I have to do after telling the story in two paragraphs is underline every skill and strength mentioned. My God, this class is so easy and wonderful.

I spent my morning watching documentaries on the solar system. I've always loved space. First, I watched a 20 minute video on Venus, and why it's not earthlike when it's our sister planet. Pretty interesting. But even more interesting was the 45 minute video I watched on time. Time being an illusion, or time being real. Neither can be completely proven but both have fascinating supporting evidence. I want to watch a documentary on the multiverse theory now.

I went to Frys with grandma today. It was really busy and crowded. To make matters worse, at the checkout we had terrible service. The bagger at our station just suddenly left and there was no one to bag our groceries. The lady ringing up the items just looked at it for a second, then kept ringing them up, which was causing them to get really backed up and pile on top of each other and get disorganized and it was horrible. She gave me this look like, "Well, are you gonna bag it or what?" So I frantically started bagging our own groceries, which is absolute and complete BS. I've never bagged groceries in my life and I don't know how to do it. Some things didn't even get bagged, like the beat grandma bought, and the bottles of soda. I got really seriously stressed out from that. And also because we were ringing up two separate things in the checkout. We needed a subtotal on what my stuff costed and I didn't know what that meant and the lady wanted me to pay for it after she gave me the subtotal, but we only wanted the subtotal and then have her ring the rest of it up with it. That's because grandma was paying (I forgot my wallet) and she couldn't even get through with the grocery cart in the way to pay and it was just really stressful. I was cranky after that and went home, because I had been at mom's house. I never want to go to that specific Frys ever again.

Tomorrow I'm going to Panda! Yay, extra food money!