The day has finally arrived. Today is my first day at GCC. I say 'is' because it isn't quite over yet. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have a three hour long break. Well, three hours and twenty minutes. I came to my mom's house and I'm using her computer. My next class, and last class of the day, math, isn't until 2. It's almost 12:30 now. I'll probably go back around 1:20 to make sure I can find a parking spot and then get to class early.
I woke up, took a shower, gathered my things and drove to school. Parking this morning wasn't terrible at all; it was actually really good and I got my favorite spot. I found my English room and waited 20 minutes for class to start. A girl started talking to me but only so we could both make sure we were going to the right classroom. I walked into class as early as it was possible, which was 10 minutes before class started.
The teacher is Mr. Spivey. Seems like a cool guy, but this class is definitely my toughest. Though, I haven't gone to Psychology yet (that's Tuesday and Thursday), so I don't know if it's going to be the worst this semester. Apparently, there's going to be a lot of group work. We also have three major essays that we'll be doing this semester. Basically, if you mess up on any of them, you're screwed. That makes me feel so much better. Not.
Then I had an hour break before my next class. Right after class I went and got my login information for the GCC computers, which I needed because my English class is in the High Tech Center 2--which means that instead of being at desks, we're all at computers. English is basically really stressful, or at least, about to be really stressful. No homework, of course; class was only 50 minutes and he let us out 10 minutes early because he was done talking about the syllabus.
I went to the SU and snacked on a couple of my pretzels because I couldn't eat breakfast this morning (I was sick to my stomach with anxiety that made me want to puke). Some guy sat down in front of me and started talking to me. It really freaked me out at first because I don't like talking to strangers, but it was okay I guess. Still, I'd rather have been left alone so I could have listened to my iPod or something. Anyways, his name is Jackson, and he dosen't even have any classes today. He takes ASL tomorrow and I think on Thursdays. We talked about how Tony Stark is awesome because he was wearing an Iron Man shirt and I'm wearing my Thor shirt. He knows a lot of people on campus and said "hi" to everyone who passed by us. He must be one of the big social people on campus. I mean, to come to school on a day when you don't even have any classes! Luckily, I can hide my fear of strangers and appear to be very talkative and friendly. After that, I left to go to my CPD 150 class.
CPD 150 is a "college success" course, recommended to all new freshman. It's one of those classes that... how do I describe it... well, it's basically a semester-long orientation. We're going to do some career exploration eventually, talk about success and failure, all that. Today, all we did was play icebraker games. I guess that wasn't too bad. Sure, I don't like games with strangers at all, and I certainly feel no closer to anyone in class, but I'm getting 3 credits for this and I have no homework. So whatever.
In about 50 minutes I'm going to leave for MAT 120. I took MAT 092 in June and got an A, so I guess I did okay. Can't say I really remember anything, though. Hopefully there won't be any homework today. And, for the record, this is my only class that is every day of the week. The reason I had to make it so late was because it serously had to be every day, but also, my only other class on Tuesdays and Thursdays (Psychology) had picky times, and I had to choose 11:30 - 11:45. The only math time that would work with that was 2:00 - 2:50. Thus, the three and a half hour gap on M/W/F. Oh well, fine with me. I can do homework, take a break, and come to mom's house.
Dsepite math being my worst subject, I'm not as worried about it as I am English. It's every day of the week, so it's a much slower pace than my one-month-long math class I took. Sure, I'll probably have homework every day, but I won't be as stressed out... I hope. I think this is the first time I've ever looked forward to a math class more than an English class. I just feel like English is going to ask way too much of me. The teacher said that "whatever you got in English 101, if you don't try much harder, you're grade is going to be 10% lower." He also said he's the toughest grader of all the English teachers, and that, no, he will not pass us if we "try." Trying isn't good enough. we have to succeed, and with skills better than "good enough." Since this class was already paid for, failing is definitely not an option. It would be too much of a waste of time and money, considering I'm already going to have to take a class or two every summer just to get enough credits to graduate. I need 60-something, and two years alone won't be enough to cover it if I don't take any summer classes. I'll try to take some electives or something fun in the summer.
Grandma (and others) think I should join a club and make a bunch of friends or whatever. But I don't want to. I'm already going to be stressed and always have so much homework. And being around people I don't know really stresses me out, so I'm not going to go to a club. Also, no one really understands that I don't want to make any friends in college. The friends I already have are just fine with me. I want them, not some new people. I won't replace my friends. I've been replaced multiple times before by a multitude of people, mostly back in my elementary days. It hurts, to be so close to people and then grow apart from them. If I just make new friends to hang out with, that makes it easier for me and my old friends to grow apart. And everyone says, "Oh, that's life, people come and go." Excuse my language, but fuck that shit. I like the friends I have now and don't need new ones. Who I have now is good enough for me. That's why it's so hard to come to terms with everyone leaving and going out of town for college. Well, almost everyone. I've still got a small handful staying here. But most everyone's going. Which is good for them, since that's what they want to do. And it's not like I'm going to tell them to share my philosophy on not making new friends and replacing me. I just hope that, whatever happens, they don't forget about me, and don't find some other person to fill my spot since I'm not there. I know I should have more faith in people than that, but seriously, 95% of my friends are leaving and people always say "well you just kind of lose contact after high school." I know it's selfish, but I don't want that to happen to me again. I know life's unfair, but I've gone through enough of that crap for two lifetimes.
I don't expect anyone to understand. Also, this computer doesn't have spellcheck on the internet and I tend to type so fast that I mix up letters, so if that happens, just ignore it.
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