Today is my last Saturday before I start college!
Definitely not looking forward to it. I've been getting up a little earlier and earlier each day. My first class on Monday is at 8, which means leaving at 7:30, which means waking up at 7. Today I woke up at 8. I guess tomorrow I have to wake up at 7:30. And on Monday, 7. It's going to suck waking up so early, but it has to be done.
I was excited for a little while, and that was last month sometime. Now I just have no desire to go at all. I know that in order to do well, it will require a lot of time, effort, and study. Things that a lazy and apathetic person like me is just not willing to give. Especially the effort and study part. I only had to have a pulse to complete high school with straight As. Anyone could do that without even trying. I rarely even had to try. And I certainly never studied, other than maybe cramming during lunch right before the test. But no, outside of short homework assignments, I never did anything for school outside of class. Certainly not "studying." And honestly I just don't think I'll be able to adjust. That, and my low self confidence, have lead me to believe that I'm just going to do poorly. Perhaps not. But if I don't do poorly, I'll certainly be miserable all the time.
I'm not one of the people who's going to go to parties and hang out with people and do whatever else typical college kids (especially freshman) like to do. Any spare time I have, I'm honestly probably just going to play video games or something. They said at orientation not to go directly home after classes; to join a club or something like that. Yeah, no. I'm going home. Homework alone is going to be too bothersome and take up too much time. I'm not wasting even more of my time on top of that associating with strangers. Oh, right, I mentioned xenophobia in my blog title.
For the record, some people associate xenophobia as being racist. It's not. That is a huge, huge misuse of the word. Xenophobia is, simply put, a fear or strangers. I have xenophobia. I don't like talking to people I don't know, don't like being around them, don't like it when they talk to me, etc. etc. And it's not just that I don't like it. It's a fear. I know it's irrational; I'm perfectly aware. That's why it's a "phobia." I'm sure a lot of people (my dad) think it's stupid (like my dad) and say that I need to just grow up and get over it (which is what my dad said). What people (mostly my dad) don't understand is that it's not that simple. It literally cripples me. Sure, I put on a smile and go along with it and seem to be normal. But inside I just want to run away and not talk to them and be left alone or with people I already consider friends. It really makes me mad when people say that my fear is stupid. How would they feel if I said something like, "Well, you being afraid of fire is stupid," or "You being afraid of large dogs is stupid." or whatever the case might be. It's just something that annoys me. Thought I might mention it at least.
4 comments:
Well one thing...I recommend leaving earlier that 7:30 for a class that starts at 8. You don't know how crowded the parking lot is going to be yet at that time so you need to allow time to get there, park, and get to your class. Last I checked I think it takes you maybe 20 minutes to get there. Are you sure you'll be able to find a parking space and get to your class in 10 minutes?
Well, when I went to orientation I timed myself and got there in about 10-12 ish minutes... and since I park in the back parking lot, it's the least crowded (or so said the students who gave us a tour). I know where the building is that I need to find, so I'll be able to get there before class starts. I might leave more like 7:20 or 7:25 on day one but since the parking lot that's closest to me is the least busy, I'm sure it'll work out that way.
Ok. It's just my mom (she has taken classes at gcc) says that the first 1 or 2 weeks are the most crowded cause kids actually go to school. So I think any parking lot will be crowded. But after that it'll be less crowded cause people will start to get lazy and not go to class. And even though you know where your building is, you gotta make sure you have enough time to get over there without fast walking at least.
Lurking.
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