I was hoping that my day wouldn't be so terrible. That kind of backfired. All I can think about is how school starts on Monday, and that on top of other stuff is just making me not want to do anything. I don't want to start doing something fun and get all into it just to be ripped away from it every day starting Monday. Like, I don't even want to play video games, that's how bad today is.
And then I suddenly got tired in the middle of the day, but couldn't take a nap or anything. I need to wake up at 7:30 tomorrow morning and 7:00 on Monday, so I need to make sure I'll be tired enough to fall asleep tonight at 10:30-11:00. If I take a nap, I just won't be tired enough.
I have found my personal cure to insomnia. Most of the time, it works, but it only works for me because of the way I sleep; I dunno if anyone else has ever tried it. But I lay on my stomach and relax and get tired and comfortable. However, I cannot fall asleep on my stomach. I can only sleep when I'm on my sides. So after I've been laying on my stomach for like ten minutes, I flip over onto my right side, and all the pressure from laying on my stomach lifts and makes it easier to just sink into sleep without much effort. It's kind of hard to explain and I don't know why I'm even trying, but there you go.
Got my backpack for college today. It should be big enough to hold everything. I feel like I'm the only one out of everyone I know who is 100% not excited for school to start. I mean, I understand how everyone's excited that they're out of the house and living on their own independently (or at least the majority of my friends are now), and that's great and all, but just... the work. Oh, the work. I can't fuck up in college, and it's not okay to make mistakes there. I can't fail any classes because that's a huge waste of money and precious time since I need so many credits. Not that I've failed a class since my elementary school days, but still, it stresses me out. That, and the fact that I'm a completely responsible adult now. I can't rely on everyone else to help me anymore. I am completely honest when I say that I'm a very dependent person and would probably die if I was kicked out of my house tomorrow.
Pleeeeease don't make me start school Monday. Yet, at the same time, I just want it to come already, because of this stupid "I don't want to do anything because school is coming" feeling. I'm going to have it tomorrow for sure, too. Might as well just skip tomorrow. Ugh. Everything sucks.
1 comment:
Well, maybe you need to talk to a doctor about anxiety issues. They have medication that can help. I used some the last year I taught. Might be worth looking into. You might look online for some natural ways to deal with anxiety too.
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